forgottendreamr's Blog

I met a wonderful friend on EP who shared a fortune cookie with me.  The fortune was wonderful:  crack it open to see life is whatever you chose to make of it.  In the past, I was nearly crippled from fear and felt powerless to take control of my life.  Today, I am moving past this and venturing out. 

I have some wonderful opportunities ahead of me.  They involve some risk and truly stepping out of my comfort zone.  I am up to the challenge.  Bring it on!

Just in time to have a little bit of time to do some more packing.  I sold the dinning room set last night.  Kind of sad to see everything go on one hand, but so much less to worry about and move on the other hand.  With a short sale on your home, you just never know how much time you are going to have before the sale is approved or if the home is going to into foreclosure.  It makes you appreciate things you often took for granted and worry about things you never considered.  A strange sort of paradox.  You find out who your true friends are and often then are are not whom you'd expected.  Help often comes from people considered "strangers" and again not always from friends and family.  You learn a new respect and appreciation for life.

I may have to move sooner than I expected and am seriously considering what options are at my disposal.  Scared? Yes.  But, learning I am stronger than I thought, especially when I have dependents.

Ok, back to packing. 

Sometimes bearing the label "nice" is not all that it seems.  It leaves you wide open to everything and anything, especially from those nearest and dearest your heart.  Sometimes, it doesn't pay to trust your family as they only betray that trust and hurt you over and over again...

One family member made a simple promise, a vow, to walk daily with me.  No big deal...but couldn't even keep that promise a week.  Totally chose not to walk with me two days in a row...chose watching horror movies with a beer-drinkers over me...Guess I can't compare with a cold brew and those bloody chopper flicks...

Other family members asked to borrow money from me.  I gave all I had to help them move, like $2000.  They vowed to stay with me forever, said we'd be "family" till death...yeah, the left the house in a mess and left me.  Lost them and my money.  Sometimes, you trust people, give your all, they take and leave you empty.  God, it hurts!

No one likes being lied to, but it seems to be the habit of those in this house to lie and break promises.  Hard to know who to trust or what to believe anymore...after a while, you just want to run away and quit and give up. 

Even the littlest turned on me.  Hurts the most from those closest to you when you do you best and give them your all...

Days like today, I wish I could just curl up and die...

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART (Bonnie Tyler )

Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll never be the boy you always you wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

I tried to help someone, but don't understand what happened...I tried to do what I thought was the right thing to make those involved happy forever, and apparently it backfired.  I do not understand...